In the past couple of weeks I’ve noticed a growing phenomenon. In spite of feeling fine almost all the time, there has been the occasional ache or pain which under normal circumstances would go completely unnoticed, but due to the fact that I have cancer now becomes a big deal. Never having been one to “freak out” easily over medical problems – just ask my girls how many times I have said, “You’ll be fine” even if evidence points to the contrary – it frustrates me to be worried so easily. On the other hand, how can it be helped? A few weeks ago I had a pain in my shoulder that grew in discomfort until I finally took a half tablet of Tylenol. (This is a big thing. If you ever catch me taking a WHOLE pill – call an ambulance.) I seriously considered contacting my oncologist to see about ordering an MRI but it was late on a Friday and I decided to wait it out through the weekend and see what transpired. The pain went away and never returned. I’ve since had other “tweaks” of aches and pain here and there, none of which ever stayed very long or deserved a half tablet of anything. But the fear has come every time. And the “what if’s”. I put away the list of songs I was collecting for my memorial service when I began to suspect I wouldn’t need them quite yet, but it’s a battle of the mind to resist going back to those thoughts when aches and pains arise. Fortunately they are quite rare.
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