A post from Feb 2007

Just found this older blog I meant to post way back when but it got buried in a folder and forgotten. Not that it's important but thought I'd post it anyway. More musings than anything else.....

In the past couple of weeks I’ve noticed a growing phenomenon. In spite of feeling fine almost all the time, there has been the occasional ache or pain which under normal circumstances would go completely unnoticed, but due to the fact that I have cancer now becomes a big deal. Never having been one to “freak out” easily over medical problems – just ask my girls how many times I have said, “You’ll be fine” even if evidence points to the contrary – it frustrates me to be worried so easily. On the other hand, how can it be helped? A few weeks ago I had a pain in my shoulder that grew in discomfort until I finally took a half tablet of Tylenol. (This is a big thing. If you ever catch me taking a WHOLE pill – call an ambulance.) I seriously considered contacting my oncologist to see about ordering an MRI but it was late on a Friday and I decided to wait it out through the weekend and see what transpired. The pain went away and never returned. I’ve since had other “tweaks” of aches and pain here and there, none of which ever stayed very long or deserved a half tablet of anything. But the fear has come every time. And the “what if’s”. I put away the list of songs I was collecting for my memorial service when I began to suspect I wouldn’t need them quite yet, but it’s a battle of the mind to resist going back to those thoughts when aches and pains arise. Fortunately they are quite rare.

Catching up

I've been very remiss about keeping up this blog. Several friends have reminded me (gently) that I should update it. So much has occurred that it's hard to know what to say so I'll summarize.  Back in Feb or March, I noticed some lumps growing in my breast again - same area as before. Started with one, then 2, then 3. Soon they were starting to merge. Of course, I pointed this out to my doctor at each visit but he was not terribly concerned at first. Eventually, he started me on an oral chemo from which I got a horrible red, itchy rash all over my face. Only got half way thru the first cycle before having to discontinue. A PET scan was finally done which showed that the cancer had grown back in most all of the places it was before though not quite as bad as it originally was. But bad enough to need IV chemo again. Of course, this has led to the second round of head shaving and wigs.

The most recent PET scan (as of a couple weeks ago) showed mixed results. The tumor on the liver and in most bones was improved but some lymph nodes, thorasic spine, and breast tumors were worse. A new chemo drug has been added to the mix now and we'll see how that goes. In the meantime, I'm still exercising, taking my nutritional supplement, and doing a smattering of alternative things. The good news is that I feel fine with energy, stamina, and generally a good outlook.

This summer was an emotional roller coaster with Meg (our youngest) returning to Faith for her senior year, my sister, Lu returning to Saudi Arabia, and finding out that a woman who had the same cancer (with the same metastases) as I, had died. We had been "holding each other's hands" over the phone and praying for one another. She was a support to me and her death was devastating since she seemed to be doing  well. Thankfully she was a dear Christian so she is with Jesus. But I miss Paula.