Saturday, April 12, 2008

An emotional day

Yesterday started very early with barking at 5:30am which woke Walt. He got up to check it out (we've had trouble with coyotes attacking the dogs) and found that our little white dog Angel was missing. He walked outside to where the noise had been but couldn't find her and couldn't see much. After showering and getting ready to leave for work he made a general search of the premises and took with him my sister's dog Phoebe who was very agitated. We've kept Phoebe for the past 3 years while LuAnne has been teaching overseas and the two dogs have become inseparable companions and playmates. No sign of Angel. Walt checked again on his break and lunch hour. She never turned up. It's now been a day and a half so we are sure we won't be seeing our sweet little dog again. Though she had her faults, it's always hard to lose a dog who loves you unconditionally.

The high point of the day was finishing my last radiation treatment. Yeah!!! Words can't describe how ecstatic I feel to be done at last. Those were the longest 3 weeks of my life. Although I only had 2 vomiting episodes, the nausea was an issue throughout. What a relief to have completed that part. I brought the office staff homemade cinnamon rolls to help me celebrate. The doctor explained that the radiation would keep on working on the cancer for several more months so they won't do an MRI until all that is "settled down" in about 2 months. In the meantime, I see my oncologist in a few days to go back on chemo.

My hair had finally grown back about 2 - 3 inches - enough to start looking like I might be able to get away with a short haircut. I was excited about this since we hope to go to the Philippines at the end of May for our daughter Megan's graduation from Faith Academy. In the tropical heat, I didn't want to wear a wig. Unfortunately I've been losing my hair in massive amounts this past week and the doctor assured me it would continue in spite of stopping the radiation. So for the third time I underwent the shaving process which my son-in-law never tires of doing for me :) This time, unlike the other times, I am unable to wear a wig to cover up my baldness due to radiation burns. My daughter is helping me experiment with scarfs. This part is hard for me. It's not only my vanity that suffers but I've always given it my best shot to not look like a cancer patient. Though I appreciate the sincere sympathy from onlookers and friends, I occasionally will find myself caught up in a bit of self-pity which does no good and dampens my otherwise can-do attitude. I prefer to envision myself as a healthy person with the strength, determination, and persistence to continue praying and fighting this through. But until my skin recovers, it'll be scarves and head coverings for me.

Did I mention it was an emotional day?


NaNcY said...

love you, sweetie.

kathy said...

I'm sorry about your dog. That's rough. You looked beautiful yesterday. Great scarf color choice. No one would ever look at you and think, "cancer patient." You have too much strength, dignity and humor for that. :)

Mary said...

Sorry about your dog. Those losses are deep. . . I'll be thinking about the trip for graduation in May and so glad that you will be there.

Jan Hardeman said...

We keep you in our prayers. Looking forward to seeing you in May.

Much love,
Jan Hardeman

NaNcY said...

i use to have a duck every year for a pet when i was young. every year the new duckling would get the same name as the one the year before...phoebe.
every fall the duck would go off to a farm to live.

duck are wonderful...except for their many mounds of you know what.

NaNcY said...

love to you!

get up and live :-)